29. You don't know just how it feels.

I sat down on the curb outside the store and put my face in my hands. I heard the door open and footsteps coming towards me. Payton sat down next to me.



"I'm sorry." He said as he looked at me.



I didn't answer.



"I never really thought about your side of things."



I still didn't answer. My hands were still covering my face, and I didn't dare take them off, because he would've seen the tears.



He put his arm around my shoulder, and I just leaned my head on him.



"You should probably go back insisde."



"My shift is over." I turned away from him, and wiped my face.



"What are you going to do now?"



"Take a walk." I got up and walked towards the beach. I didn't care if I walked for hours, I just didn't care.

28. Everyone buried in wasteland

"Beach time." Payton came running into Barnes and Nobles.



"Haha. Again?" I said as I stacked the plates behind the counter.



"Don't start with that. Derek made friends with a guy who has a surfboard, and he's going to teach us."



"Sounds like um, fun."



"Come on, I thought you liked the beach now."



"Yeah, just not everyday. And besides, I have to get sunscreen."



"With what? Your good looks?"




"Very funny."




"But seriously, every cent we have is going towards food and rent."




"Every cent? So, how are you paying for gas everytime you go to the beach."




"Well, for one we don't drive TO the beach, we drive to a parking lot close by so we can walk to avoid paying to get in, and secondly, we only drive like 5 minutes."




"So why can't you just walk all the way?"



"Because it saves us like 10 minutes of walking?"



"It's excercise"




"It takes too long!"




"So you're saying it's not worth it?"




"What?"




"I'm just sick and tired of being the only one who actually gets paid, and you guys waste all my hard earned money on gas for going to the beach and such."



"I've only had to fill the tank up like 3 times since we've been here."



"Every drop counts."



"And, I HAVE a job."



"YOUR job only helps keep the rent lower than it should be."



"But it's helping!"



"Barely! And everyone else is too busy "celebrity hunting" instead of JOB HUNTING!"



"Do you want them to pull jobs out of thin air?"



"No, but I would feel better if they were actually trying to find jobs."



"They DID!"



"They didn't apply everywhere, only at the places that interested them. Such as, lifeguard, band member, shopping centers, and the like. Granted, Jade branched out more than the other two, but still."



"You know, you could have stayed in Virginia!"



"And where would you guys be? Living in the car still right?"



No answer.



"That's what I thought." I stormed out of the building.

27. Did I mention we are here to stay?

Around noon the next day, Mr. Mystery walked into Barnes and Nobles.


"Who is that?" I asked my coworker Kate while nodding to the blond guy.



"Oh, that's my brother," she said, filling a cup with coffee. "He's a freak."



"Ah." I said, quickly turning around. He was coming right towards us.



"Hey little sis." He said.



"I'm not your little sis. I'm your big sis. And don't you forget it." She said, flinging excess water from her hands on him.



"Yeah, but you're shorter than me, and I'm stronger, ergo I call you little sis," He flicked the water off his arm.



"I hate you."



"Love you too sis." He turned to me. "Hey mystery girl."



"Um, hi." I tried to act busy.



"I'm Blake," He extended his hand.



"I'm Jamie" I showed both my hands were holding cups.



He dropped his hand and laughed.

"So do you guys know each other?" Kate asked.

"No, we just kind of bumped into each other in a store yesterday." Blake answered. "Ever figure out that necklace?"

"No haha, I gave up."



"Haha. So, are you new here? I don't think I've seen you around before." He asked.



"I just moved here."

"Why? That is, if you don't mind my asking."



"I came here with friends. We wanted to have an adventure or something."



"Nice. So, do you hang around the beach much?"



"Um, not too much."



"Well, we'll make a beach bum out of you soon enough. Gotta go. Later!"



"See ya." Kate and I said.



Kate licked her finger and touched my shoulder. "Tss"



"Oh shut up Kate."

26. You're clouding up my mind

I put the necklace back on the shelf since I had no money to actually buy it. I poked around in the store a little longer, then went back out to the beach. Everyone was in the water, so I walked along the edge of the water. I scanned the crowds to see if the blond guy was there. Not that I was interested or anything, just curious.


He wasn't around.


"How were the shops?" Cameron asked, running up to me.


"Eh, fine." I threw a look over my shoulder.


"Are you looking for someone?"


"What?" I spun around, "No. Why?"


"You keep looking around."


"Well, I'm just observing people."


"Sounds pretty convincing," She laughed. "So seriously, what are you looking for?"


I figured she'd hound me till she found out anyways, so I spilled the beans.


"Holy crap! Jamie! You gotta find him! I wanna meet him!" She squealed.


Finders keepers. Not like he'd be interested in me anyways.


Cameron ran up to the rest of the gang who were just coming out of the water, "Haha, Jamie found a guy."


"I'll bet he'd not as good lookin' as me." Derek struck a goofy pose.


"Dork." Cameron pushed him.


"What? Cameron no. I only said I said "hi" to a guy who was laughing at me. We didn't exchange names or phone numbers or anything."


"Whatev. It's still something to talk about." She grinned. "Where's Payton?"


"He was just here." Jade said, looking around. "Oh, there he is. Back at our stuff."


The conversation moved to other things. They started planning out tomorrow. Celebrity hunting or something. I wasn't really paying attention.

25. You talk a good game

My skin was getting a little pink.


"Hey does anyone have some sun screen?" I asked.


"Why would we have that?" Cameron laughed, "We want to get TAN!"


"Well, I'd like to get a little color, but I don't want skin cancer. I'm already a little pink, and I don't want to be a tomato."


"Do you want to go?" Payton asked.


"Well, you guys can stay. I'm gonna go into one of the shops." I got up and started brushing sand off my legs.


"Alright. Catch up with you later." He said.


I found a store that looked interesting and went inside. I started poking around, looking at random stuff. I picked up a shell necklace and was trying to figure out how they wove the shells together. I heard laughing behind me, so I turned to see who it was. The guy couldn't have been older than twenty. He had medium length wavy blond hair, was tall, and very tan. He looked like a surfer, and probably was. He had a twinkle in his eye as he smiled at me.


"What's so funny?" I asked.


"You are." His smile got wider. "You're looking at that necklace like there's a secret code written on it, and you're trying to decode it."


"Well, you're not too far off. I'm trying to figure out how they made it."


"Is that so?"


"Yeah. I'm wierd like that."


"No. It's cool." He at the time on his phone. "Well I gotta go. See you around?"


"Sure, probably" I said.


"Later." He walked out the door and out to a jeep with a surfboard in the back seat.


Go figure.

24. We are still just kids

I really don't know why I hate beaches so much. I mean, yeah the sun's nice, but you can get sun anywhere right?


"I wonder who invented beaches?" Cameron saids



Wow. That was impressively stupid.



"Nobody invented beaches, dummy." Derek threw some sand on her legs



"Hey, cut it out!" She threw a nice sized handful right back.



In order to escape what was inevitably going to turn into a sand fight, I escaped to the water's edge. I decided to walk along the shore and let the waves tickle my legs. The sand was so pretty. It had tiny gold specks in it. The beaches on the east coast didn't have sand like this. I reached down to pick up a shell in the sand. When I came up, I forceful wave hit me and I struggled for balance. Suddenly I felt an arm steady me. I looked up. Payton.



"Thanks." I muttered.



"No prob."



"How's the sand fight?" I reached down for another shell.



"They took it to the water. People around us were getting irritated." He turned around to see if Derek and Cameron were still flinging sand.



"Sand hurts." Jade said, coming up to us.




"No. Really?" I said, laughing at her.




"Just be thankful you weren't in the direct line of fire."



"Why don't you guys actually go in the water?" Payton asked



"I want to, but I don't like going by myself." Jade replied



"Jamie, why don't you go in?" He turned to me.



"She doesn't like to swim." Jade laughed.



"She doesn't, eh?"



"Nope." I said and reached for another shell. All of a sudden I was laying in the water. "Wha?"



Jade and Payton were laughing at me.



"He did it." She said, pointing at him.



"Did he now?" I got up and with Jade's help threw him in the water.



"Oh you guys are gonna so gonna get it." He yelled.



Derek and Cameron joined us, and it turned into a mess of arms and legs. Who knew beaches were so fun?

23. They're up to date with the latest trends

When the song did end, everyone clapped and praised Payton. I kind of wished that he'd do another song, but I didn't say anything.



"Let's go to the beach!" Derek said. And to my dismay, everyone else agreed. I STILL don't have a bathing suit, but I dumbly followed the girls to the bedroom.


Cameron waived a bathing suit in the air, "Look at this cute bathing suit I bought before we left." It was pink and had tiny little XOXOs all over it.


"Very cute." Jade said while taking out a black tankini with white hearts on it.


"Yeah it's cute." I said sitting on the floor picking at my nails.


"Where's yours?" She asked, placing her hands on her hips.


"Uh, I don't have one."


"WHAT? You're joking right?"


"No." I chewed my lower lip. "I don't really swim. I mean I know how to swim, but I don't know...I just don't swim."


"That's dumb. Here, you can wear my other one." Cameron said, flinging a blue and red striped bikini towards me.


"Ok? Um, thanks." I made my way towards the bathroom.


I hated changing in front of other people. Gym was murder in high school. I never did get used to the locker room. After I put on the bathing suit, I looked in the mirror and sighed. Thankfully the bikini fit, but I still didn't like the way it looked on me. I opened the door to go back for some clothes to throw over it, and Payton was waiting. He already had his suit on and I saw him eyeing mine. I knew he was probably wondering where I got it so I blurted out, "It's Cameron's" and ran back to the room.

22. Sing us a song

I was trying to process everything. I thought for sure Mom and Dad would freak. Now this e-mail confused me. Were they trying to make it sound like they were supporting me, when they were really trying to find out where I was to come take me home or visit me or something? Or were they genuinely giving me my freedom?



My fingers drifted over the keys, but I couldn't find anything to say.



I'll think about this later.



I put my laptop away and returned to the group. They were all sitting around doing whatever. Payton was leaning up against the wall, gently strumming his guitar. Cameron was talking and texting at the same time. Derek was laying on the ground, picking up fuzzes off the carpet, and Jade was sitting cross-legged, staring absently at the ceiling.



Suddenly Jade snapped out of her daze and said, "Payton, sing us a song."



"Um, ok? What do you want to hear?" He said



"I love when you do Shadow of the Day" She answered



"o0o! Me too! You haven't done that one in ages." Cameron piped up.



I sat down against the wall next to Cameron and watched Payton as he started the song.



"I close both locks below the window..."





I was blown away by. I had no idea he sang that well. His voice was basically perfect. I could feel my jaw drop, and I quickly snapped out of it and shut my mouth. I threw a look around the room to make sure no one saw me. There was so much emotion in his voice. Like he felt each note he sang. For someone who wasn't extremely outgoing, he sang like he owned the stage. I mean, IF we had a stage anyways...



I sat there soaking it in, and wishing the song could go on and on.

21. You do your best not to show it

After unloading our meager possesions, I turned on my laptop and checked my e-mails. My mom had replied back to my message.



Dear Jamie,

Way to set a somber mood there Mother...

We were quite shocked to wake up that morning and find you gone. I found your note and I understand about needing your independence, but couldn't you have talked this through with me and your father? We realize you are an adult now, but you still need to remember we're your parents. We need to know what's going on. We are not mad at you and we still love you. If you do decide that you want to come back, you'll always have a room here with us. If you need anything or ever need to talk, please let call me. I miss you.

Love you,

Mom

P.S. Could you send me an address of where you are staying?

I couldn't respond. I just couldn't.

20. I've got troubled thoughts

I hadn't even realized until then that we were sitting on a bench. It just goes to show you how observant I am. Guess I was so absorbed in our conversation and my thoughts that....wait...what was I even thinking about? Oh yeah, Jade.


Here was a girl who's appearance was always meticulous, her clothes were always folded nicely, and her bags were always in order, but she didn't appear to mind that our situation really was hanging by a thread. That thread being me.


Her brother was the same way, except his crap wasn't in as perfect order as hers.


UGH! I hate being so analytical! Somebody slap me please.


I put aside my thoughts and returned to the present situation. Jade was studying her nails and filing them. I quickly stole a glance at my own nails. Eww. I shoved them in my pockets. Note to self: CLEAN THEM. PRONTO!


I looked around and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. "Wanna go back now?" I asked.


Jade also looked around. "Sure, why not."


I felt something hard poke the underside of my foot. "OWW! DANGIT!" I had brilliantly forgotten to put some form of shoes on before I left the apartment. Now I was rubbing the underside of my foot and mentally kicking myself.


"What did you do?" Jade said, laughing.


"Stepped on a stupid rock."


"Smart."


"Shut up."


"Want me to kiss it?"


"Wanna get punched in the face?"


"Not particularly."


I limped back to the apartment and swore to never again leave without shoes.

19. Something's gotta give now.

Finally it was moving day, even though there really wasn't much to "move." Just the suitcases and such in the car, but we made a big deal out of it. None of us liked living in the hotel. Having our own place gave us a renewed sense of why we were here. To live on our own and start afresh. Our dream was becoming a reality and we were ecstatic.


"When I get a job, I'm going to buy curtains and other things to brighten up this place. It's so boring." Cameron said, practically dancing.


Oh yeah, about them finding jobs. Since they had pretty much combed the entire city without luck, they decided to take a break from job hunting for a month. Pretty smart eh? I just bite my tongue and work my hardest. No one can say I havent' been pulling my weight. In fact, I'm really the only one working. Sure Payton is working for the landlord, but that's just to keep the rent down. It's not bringing in any actual money. That's left up to me.


"So where are we all gonna sleep?" Derek asked. "Hey we should get a TV." He walked over to a spot in the room. "Right here would be a good spot for it."


Why don't you go out, get a job, and buy one then?


After I unloaded my stuff, I quietly slipped out of the building. Jade followed me.


"What do you think of it?" she asked.


"It's pretty good. I just hope we can keep it." Shoot. Why did I say that?


"What do you mean?"


"Well," I started slowly, "I hope we can keep up with the rent and stuff, since we're not getting much in the way of income."


"Yeah, but pretty soon the rest of us will have jobs and it will be easier." She picked up piece of grass and twisted in several knots. "It must be frustrating being the only one with a job and not being able to really keep any of what you've earned." She tossed the sad piece of grass aside and twirled her hair. "But, it must also be nice knowing that you're the first one to get a job get us started in the right direction. I mean, without you, we'd probably still be sleeping in the car in an abandoned lot somewhere, without any food."

It amazed me how this "emo" girl could be so optomistic. I mean, weren't they supposed to be all like "I hate life" and "leave me alone?" Hm..maybe I shouldn't pre-judge people based on stereotypes...

Oops

Sorry guys for not posting in a while. Life is just so hectic right now...I am working on ideas and i'll post them as soon as i put them together and have time. =]

18. These broken lights, they shine on us tonight

I decided to analyze our situation. We were living off my small income, we had an apartment we were moving into in several days, we were all half-starved, and no one, except me and Payton, was having any luck with finding jobs.

Derek only applied to jobs that had little work involved and that gets him babes. He continues to mooch off me for money, and Payton for the car.

I have no idea what's going on with Jade. I never see the girl. She's never at the hotel. Sometimes I see her scribbling in a notebook at like 1 in the morning. I wonder what she writes in it.

Cameron has a set schedule; she looks for jobs from 8 A.M. to 1 P.M., then she goes to the beach and soaks in some rays or flirts with guys. When it rains she either comes to the shop and talks my ear off while I try to work, or tags along with someone while they go job hunting.

And Payton. He's already got a "job." I honestly don't know how that one's gonna play out. When he's with all of us, he gets kinda quiet, but when he's with me, he seems more open. Maybe that's cuz I don't talk much? Who knows.

I really am sick of these people. I know I shouldn't be because they helped me get here and I'm going to have to live with them, but I am. Ugh, I wish I could stop wishing for things. I feel even more tied down here than I did back home. I mean, I have 5 people and living off my earnings. Is it too much to ask for a little help in return?

17. Words and Whispers

Hey Mom...

Just thought I should let you know I'm ok. It's been an interesting journey, and I really love it here, so far anyways. I'm sorry I left without saying goodbye or telling you where I was going, but I just needed to get away. Virginia wasn't where I wanted to be, and I knew that if I didn't leave then, I never would. I hope you and Dad didn't worry too much. I mean of course you probably were worried, but just know that I am an adult and can take care of myself. I'll write again sometime soon.
-Jamie


I clicked Send and shut my laptop.

16. We are the youth of the nation

We sat down and looked out at the ocean for a while. Then I laid back and closed my eyes. I heard Payton get up and walk down to the water. I laid there for a while enjoying the sun's rays and feeling the ocean breeze on my face.


I felt someone looking at me, so I opened one eye and saw Payton staring at me. I hadn't even heard him walk back.


He quickly leaned back and said “I was just checking to see if you were sleeping or were just laying there.”




“Just laying here.”




“Well we gotta head back now.” He said looking at his watch. “Derek wants the car so he can look for a job further away.”




“Whatever.”




We got up dusted ourselves off and headed back to the car.


When we got back to the hotel, Derek was pacing out front.


“FINALLY! I've been waiting for like 5 minutes!” He grabbed the keys from Payton's hands and rushed off.




“You're welcome!” I shouted after him. I doubted that he heard me. Seriously, this kid was beyond annoying.


Cameron was the only one in the hotel room and she was busy straightening her hair, and since I didn't really want to get my ear talked off, I decided to go for a walk.

I walked down the road and sat on a bench. The same bench I'd sat after I got my job.

I wondered what my family was doing right now. I hoped they hadn't called the police or anything. I DID leave them a note saying I needed to establish some independence and that I needed to get away.

Maybe I should call, or write a letter.

I hadn't turned my phone on since I left. I really didn't want the possibility of being tracked. I probably had a million missed calls. I hadn't checked my e-mail either.

I got up and walked back to the hotel. I decided to send an e-mail to my mom.

Hm...What to write...

15. He's not afraid to go down

We walked back to the car and started heading towards the hotel.

“Let's go to the beach.” Payton suggested, already turning in that direction.


“Sure, why not.” I was up for something fun. “Do we have to pay?”


“Not if we park somewhere else and walk in.”


“Oh.”


Payton pulled into a restaurant across the street from a deserted spot of beach and parked the car. He pulled his shirt off and threw it into the backseat.

“Alrighty let's go.” He said, getting out of the car.


“I don't have a bathing suit.”


“On you, or at all?”


“Um. At all?” I started chewing my lower lip.


“So when you were packing to come to California you didn't think to bring a bathing suit?” His mouth was curved into a mocking side grin, and his eyes were laughing at me.


“I don't like the way I look in a bathing suit.” I kicked a rock close to my foot.


“Well get over it. This is beach heaven. Everyone wears a bathing suit under their clothes.”


“You don't know that. You're just assuming all Californians love the beach and go there everyday. Some people hate the beach!” My voice was getting a little louder.


“Whatever. But you should invest in a bathing suit and learn to carry it with you always.” He said, turning to go towards the beach.


I had no reply, so I just sighed and followed him across the street.

14. Close your eyes and make believe this is where you want to be

On Friday, after work, Payton drove me to the new apartment and I finally got to see what it looked like. It had most of the appliance essentials, a refrigerator, stove, washer, dryer, with the exception of a dishwasher. There was a small closet in each room, and a large one in the living room. It was on the bottom floor, so we would have a back door and could come and go easier.

“So what do you think?” Payton asked as I walked out of the kitchen.


“It's ideal! I'm just kinda concerned about beds, furniture, and other important stuff.”


“Meh. We'll figure it all out”


Oh that's comforting


“So everyone's seen this place already?”


“Yeah. We came this morning.”


“Ah. So I'm guessing they liked it?” I started inspecting the bathroom and it's scary corners.


"Yeah, Derek thought it was too small for parties though."


"What the freak? We've barely got a place and he's already thinking about parties?" I finished inspecting the bathroom, ducked under his arm, and went into the living room.


"You could just say excuse me you know."


"I'll pass"


"Anyways, Derek likes to live it up, or else he gets bored."


"So I see. Well he needs to find a job first and help earn money before he throws any parties."


"Gosh you sound like a mother."


"I freaking feel like one." I gave one quick glance around the room, "So are we done here?"


"Yep, let's go." He started fishing in his pockets for his keys.