Wednesday, October 29, 2008

11. Tell me everything will be alright

Just then Payton walked in. The look on his face told us all he hadn't found anything either.


“Hey guys,” he said. “what are we doing for lunch”

“Whatever you want, man,” Derek replied.

“How much money do we have?” Jade asked.

“Well, we figured we'd stay at the hotel for 4 days, so that was about 150 bucks. So we only have like 30 bucks left. Jamie, when do you get paid?” Payton asked

“Friday.”


Today was Wednesday.


“I'd say let's stick to McDonald's.” Jade said. “Dollar menu is good. But even that's not gonna last us till Friday.”

“Nope, so what should we do?”

“Skip lunch.”


Nobody wanted to do that. This wasn't apart of our plans when we originally started. Nobody really had any plans coming out here. None, except, living the good life. Now we were paying for our lack of organization. Who knew how many meals we'd have to skip in the future. We still had to find an apartment or something. I wondered how much that would cost around here.


“So, we're not eating?” Cameron asked?

“Well if we skip lunch now, for dinner we can each get two things on the dollar menu. Then we'd have $20 left. Then tomorrow, we'll eat two meals the same way. Then on Friday we'll just wait till Jamie gets paid.” This was Payton's plan anyways.

“Uh, so when are we going to look for a place?” This was now my biggest fear.

“I guess I'll look around tomorrow.” Payton didn't look to happy about it. “So tell me Jamie, how is it that you found a job right away, and all of us are on day two of job hunting? Did you bribe your employer or something?”

“No. I spent like 5 hours walking around this freaking city looking for a job. And on foot too. I don't know how I got the job. I just asked, and they gave me a chance.”

“Jeez, don't get your shirt in a knot. I was joking.”

“Hmph.”

“Well I was!”

“Just don't make fun of me like that. At least I have a job. Anyways, my shift is over, let's get out of here.”

So we all got up and walked outside and started walking aimlessly around town. What a pathetic bunch we were. My stomach growled in agreement.

10. We wasted all our hopes on a whim

“Hey!”

Arms went around my waist, my feet came off the ground, and I was being spun in circles.

“What are you doing?” I twisted my neck around to see who had picked me up. “Derek you scared the crap out of me!”

“Haha. Sorry. How's the working girl?”

Hmph. He didn't look very sorry.

“I love it!” I beamed. “Any luck with you?”

“Nope. Hey are the others here yet?”

“Uh, no why?”

“We're supposed to meet here for lunch, remember?”

I quickly glanced at the clock. My face must have mirrored my obvious surprise because he started laughing.

“Wow, I didn't realize it was already 12:30. It'll take me two seconds to finish emptying these garbages.”

When I finally finished that, Jade and Cameron were walking towards us, arm in arm. A slight twinge of jealousy hit me.

“Hey, how goes it?” Cameron asked.

“Pretty good. Really fun.” I smiled.

“Awesome. Man, I wish we could find jobs like yours.” Jade said. “Or even any jobs at this point.”

“I'm guessing you guys haven't found anything yet?” I asked

“No,” Cameron sighed. “But we will soon!”

I took a sip of my ice water and listened to them talk amongst themselves. They obviously weren't too worried that no one else had found a job yet. I kinda felt guilty about finding a job so soon. I hoped it hadn't given them false hope that jobs were easy to find.

“So what kinds of places did you guys apply at?” I asked.

“Well, I read in one of the newspapers that this group of kids needed a lead singer for this band they are starting, so I went and tried out. They said my voice was terrible. Like hello! I'm a really good singer, everybody has always said so!” Derek vented his frustration with elaborate hand gestures and pathetic face expressions.

I almost choked on a piece of ice in my throat. I had to pretend like I was coughing to mask the fact I was laughing. I once heard him sing, and it wasn't pretty. I guess his friends were too nice to give him their real opinions.

But seriously, did he think he was going to come to California and just suddenly become famous?

“Aww, that's too bad.” Cameron patted his arm. “I applied to all the clothing stores around, but nobody is hiring. They said they'd let me know if they had any positions that open up.”

I mentally snorted. It's great to apply to stores you like, but let's be practical. Everybody wants those jobs. When you're in desperate need of a job you can't be extremely picky.

“I just applied to any place I could.” Jade said.

That's the way to do it! I felt bad for her though. She had done the same thing that I did, but wasn't having any luck with it. I secretly feared that I had taken the last available job in Newport Beach.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

9. Cloudy nights bring sunny mornings

It was about 6 when I woke up. Before I fell asleep, I had decided that I would head out as soon as I could so I could find a job and maybe rest my mind a little.


I left a note on the mirror in the bathroom telling everyone I'd be back around noon. I got dressed, grabbed one of the room keys, and headed out. Thankfully I had taken a shower the night before, or else I would've had to skip it so I wouldn't wake anybody.


I stepped outside and took a breath. It was beautiful. The morning sun was dancing on the rooftops, and everything felt new. Maybe everything would be all right....


First I headed into the restaurant across the street from the hotel. That was a dead end. Then I tried the toy store. Also a dead end. I tried about 20 more places, and none of them had any work available. Finally I went into a Barnes and Nobles.


“Excuse me. Can I speak with the manager?” I asked a worker.


“Sure hold on,”


“Thanks.”


I waited for about five minutes, and finally she came back with the manager.


“What can I help you with?” he asked.


“I was just wondering if you had any job positions open. I'm looking for a job.” I replied.


“Well, the only help we need is in the Starbucks coffee shop, but I don't know if you'd be interested in that.”


“I've never worked at a coffee shop, but I would really like to try. See I just moved here and I'm still in a hotel until I can find my own place.”


“Well, I guess we could give you a shot at it. No promises though. What time can you start?”


“Anytime.”


“Well how about you come around at 7:30a.m. tomorrow and we'll have someone show you what to do.”


“Ok, thank you very much. See you tomorrow!”


I practically skipped all the way back to the hotel, even though my feet hurt from walking so much. But it was good to finally be walking instead of just sitting in the car.


I looked at my watch. I still had a half an hour before I said I would be back. I sat down on a bench and just watched what went on around me. Everybody seemed so laid back. And tan. Guess I stuck out like a sore thumb. What else is new...


After about 10 minutes, I started heading back. I wondered what I was going to do for the rest of the day.

When I got back, and they were all waiting to go have lunch. My stomach growled. I had forgotten about breakfast.


“Hey where've you been?” Derek yelled. “We've been waiting forever!”


“Not quite,” Cameron laughed. “So tell us, what were u doing?”


“I got a job,” I said.


Nobody was expecting that. The all just stared at me with their mouths open. I laughed out loud.

“For real?” Jade was the first person to speak.



“Haha, yeah.”

“Whoot! Good for you!” Derek cheered.


“Looks like Jamie's the winner!” Cameron squeeled.
“Huh?”



“Your the first one to get a job!”


“Oh, yeah, well I just wanted to get that over with.”


“Hey let's all get some lunch, and then the rest of us can go look for some jobs.” Derek said. “Maybe Jamie can help us out since she's a pro at this.”


“No trust me, I felt stupid. I never was good at the whole job hunting thing.”


“Eh, whatever.”


I was finally starting to feel like part of the gang. And it felt good.

8. Somber words would feign contentment

When we reached Newport, it was too late to do anything, so we rented a hotel room. Five in one room wasn't too bad, but there were only two beds, and so at least one person would have to sleep on the floor. I had a feeling it was going to be me. I didn't really mind, because I hated sharing a bed. I was always afraid I was going to move around in the bed too much and keep the other person awake, or kick them.


We all counted how much money we had, and together we had a whooping 200 hundred dollars. How the heck were we supposed to live off that? That wasn't enough to rent an apartment AND buy food. I wanted to voice that question, but I was too scared.


So I just asked “Um, so what kind of a place are you guys thinking of?”


“Well, I guess we were thinking we'd all share an apartment or something. You know to save money.” Jade answered.


At least they had done a little thinking, but still....


“Oh. So are we gonna head out first thing?” I pushed.


“Eh, we have all day,” Derek said


Honestly, how exasperating could this guy be? At least I finally knew I wasn't going to be dropped off by my little lonesome. But there was still an underlying fear that wouldn't go away, and it was growing. I couldn't put my finger on what it was though.


We ordered pizza and a liter of Pepsi. That set us back about twenty bucks. We needed to find jobs ASAP. I wondered what kind of job I could get. I didn't really know what I was good at. Back in Bowie, I was a cashier at The Home Depot and I babysat for the people I knew.

My mind was running at about 200 mph, thinking about everything and worrying over it all. But I knew one thing for certain. I wasn't going home. I couldn't and I wouldn't. I would stick it out even if it killed me.

Monday, October 27, 2008

7. The girls and boys making too much noise

I jumped awake and realized I was still in the car. I looked around. Payton was driving normally, Jade was sleeping, and Derek and Cameron were still talking. I took a deep breath then let it out again. I always had bizarre dreams when everything in my life was crazy or when I was stressed. This was one of those times. Never before had I had such a realistic dream though. I hoped this wasn't one of those dreams that would actually happen in real life. I had heard that the stuff in some people's dreams actually happened after they dreamed them. Scary.


The rest of the day was pretty boring. I'd never been so bored and I was seriously ready to kill someone.


At about 7:30, we crossed into California. We all stopped to take pictures and eat dinner. California seemed pretty nice so far. I could feel excitement racing through my veins. We were finally there! The full effect of my leaving and having my own adventure was starting to kick in, and I couldn't stop smiling. Independence felt so good, I wanted to scream. I don't think anyone would have minded if I did scream, Cameron had screamed several times and no one took any notice. Of course, Cameron was Cameron. We all knew her by now to do those kinds of things. Now me on the other hand, that's a different story. I'm sure they thought I was an emotion-less blob. They probably would've went into shock if I screamed. Haha. That made me laugh and want to scream even more. However, I restrained myself.


“So what part of California are we planning on staying in?” I asked


“Hm. Not sure. Hopefully closes to the water.” Payton said.


I was shocked. How could you not know where you were going to live! Why had they not planned out this stuff? I was slightly annoyed, but I didn't let it show.


“How about Newport Beach?” Derek suggested?


“Sounds good to me.” Payton said and everyone agreed.


I was in flabbergasted. They were going to decide their future just like that? It was madness! I didn't want to be the party pooper, so I agreed with them, even though it killed me.


So Newport Beach it was. That was to be our new life. I wondered what would happen if we couldn't find places to live or work. The scariest part was: what if they all went their own merry ways? Or they were all going together, but didn't want me around? Where would I go? Panic set in, but I tried to appear nonchalant...

6. The Longer we run, the weaker we become

It had been three days since I had taken a shower and I was sick of feeling gross. I had a feeling I was starting to smell too. Hopefully everyone else in the car was feeling the same way, so I wouldn't be singled out as the one causing the smell in the car. It was starting to smell like a boys locker room. It was sort of nauseating. I made another note to myself to buy 20 air fresheners for the car next time we stopped at a gas station. I wondered if any of my fellow passenger's were aware of the stench.


If all went well, we were expected to arrive in Cali by nightfall. I wondered what we'd do when we got there. I hoped we would find a hotel. Sleeping in a car for three nights was starting to take a toll on my body and I was starting to feel like an old person with arthritis. And I was starting to get claustrophobic. I never had a problem with that, but I guess three days in a car can do that to a person.


When you hear certain noises for a long time, you start to tune them out. All I could hear was silence, and the jostling of the car was rocking me to sleep.


“Look out!”


A black truck had run the red light and was heading straight towards us. He honked his horn with a get out of my way attitude. He obviously didn't care that he had broke the law and he wasn't going to be sorry that he hit us. He would just be mad we didn't get out of his way to let him get by.


Everyone in the car started screaming bloody murder and went into panic mode.


It's amazing how many thoughts you can think in a spit second of time.


Then, the truck hit us. My face hit the window and it smashed, cutting my face into a million places and leaving it a bloody mess. Cameron was screaming her head off. We were the only ones conscious. It looked like Payton had hit his head on the steering wheel, and the window. He was hunched over the wheel unconscious. I looked over at Jade and almost threw up. I couldn't recognize her. Blood, flesh, and hair were all I saw. I couldn't tell which part of her was which. I quickly looked over at Derek. He wasn't quite as bad, but he was still a mess. I wondered if they were alive.


Then everything went black.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

5. What would it take to keep you here and my arms bleeding?

After I ate, I took out my mp3 and listened to my music. I was kinda getting tired of those songs. They were too mellow. I wanted something with energy. The Ipod needed to be charged soon too. I wondered when I'd get a chance to plug it into my laptop. I'd have to plug my laptop into an outlet though. Who knew how much battery time was left on it. I selected Shadow by Ashlee Simpson. Why I even bothered listening to her was a mystery. Somebody bought me her cd a long time ago, but I still didn't really like her. I didn't have anything better to listen to at the moment, so I stayed on that track.


I looked around the vehicle to see what everybody else was doing. Cameron was talking on the phone (no surprise), Derek was playing a game on his Ipod touch or something, Jade was sketching Payton's profile, and Payton was just listening to the radio while keeping an eye on the road. Honestly, didn't the guy ever do anything else? I don't think he had done anything else during the trip except listen to the radio and drive. He didn't talk much either, except a word here and there.


Cameron finished her phone call and looked around. I had a feeling she was going to start talking to me because I was the only one person in the car not doing something with their mind. I was right.


“So Jamie, whatcha listening to?” she asked.


I cringed, oh well, at least I'd be saving some battery life on my Ipod.


“Shadow,” I responded. “I don't really like it that much, but I'm sick of all my other music."


“Is that the one by Ashlee Simpson?” she said. “I love that one!”


She would, I thought “Yeah that's the one” I said aloud.


After talking for an hour about who knows what, my brain was starting to hurt. I needed an excuse to stop talking. Thank God, Derek jumped in the conversation. I think he's one of those people who likes to hear themselves talk. Why he didn't he jump in earlier?!? His game must've been pretty intense.


I looked out the window. We were driving through the Rockies. We've come quite a ways from our peaceful and extremely boring town of Bowie, in Virginia. It's already been three days since we left. I wondered what my family was doing and how they reacted to the note I left them. I hoped they didn't call the cops or anything. But seriously, I was 18 and a legal citizen. It's not like I was a 12 year old , running away on a whim. I was trying to establish independence, and I knew I would never be able to do that back home with everyone breathing down my back. They would've probably ended up making a decision for me that I would regret for a lifetime. I would rather regret a choice I made, then a choice someone else made for me. If I didn't leave then, I don't think I ever would've gotten the chance/courage to do it again.


We probably would've gotten there already if the car hadn't had problems yesterday. We spent like 5 hours at a garage waiting for it to get fixed. I think I got sunburned on my forehead. Ugh, that's going to start peeling within the next couple of days. I never tanned easily. I had pale skin and freckles to go with it. Maybe I'd get really tan in California, and dye my hair a lighter shade of blonde. Then I'd fit in perfectly with all the California blondes. Eh, I didn't like being a blonde though. Everybody always assumes you are stupid or something. Which I'm not. Maybe I'll dye my hair darker...


Oh what I wouldn't give for a nice hot shower...

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

4. They call me "quiet" girl

We got back to the car and Derek and Payton were leaning against the trunk of the car, talking. I wondered what they were talking about. It didn't look like they had much in common, and so I wondered how they found a mutual interest to talk about. Of course, Derek was doing most of the talking, so was maybe it was just a subject he liked. I looked in the window and Cameron was sprawled on the backseat, still asleep. I had to laugh at that. The only time she wasn't talking was when she was sleeping.


“Hey what time is it,” Jade asked, “and when are we gonna head out?”


“Um, we'll give you guys half an hour to get ready, then we'll go through the drive through of a McDonald's or Dunkin Donuts.” Payton replied.


“Sounds good!” Derek said.


I noticed they had already changed and were read to go. I didn't realize I was gone so long. They probably got up right after I did. Eh whatever. I grabbed a pair of clothes, shoved them in my bag so no one in the diner would realize I was changing in the bathroom. As usual I threw on some faded jeans, and an old t-shirt. I didn't have anything else.


Note to self: buy some better clothes. I said inwardly, No more crap.


I decided to wear a little bit of mascara. Not that you could tell I was wearing it after I put it on anyways. Oh well.


Just when I was leaving, Cameron and Jade entered, talking and laughing. They had their bags in their hands and I guessed they were changing as well. Great. What was I supposed to do at the car alone with the guys? I was as awkward around guys as a fish was in a bowl of milk. Wait, a fish would probably die if it was placed in milk...whatever I wasn't good at making analogies.


I started walking to the car and by the time I got there I had decided to pretend to organize my bag so I'd look busy. The guys were looking at the motor of the car or something. In the process of cleaning my purse I found some candy and jewelry at the bottom of my purse that I thought I'd lost. I also found a bunch of trash that needed to be thrown away...


“Alright we're ready!” Cameron said, practically skipping to the car.


“Finally!” Derek said, shutting the hood of the car and barely missing Payton's fingers in the process. “Let's go!”


So we all piled into the car and into our designated seats. Dunkin Donuts was the winner and we headed towards it. I ordered a small thing of hash-brown treats and a small coffee. I didn't want to spend much, and I figured this would fill me up till lunch time. There was always the candy I found in my purse to hold me over till the next meal. It wouldn't hurt for me to lose a few pounds anyways. Maybe my stomach would shrink and I wouldn't eat so much in the future. Eh, whatever.


So I settled down with my food, and prepared myself for another long day of driving. I didn't even know what state we were in.


I guess I'll figure it out when we are entering the next state, I surmised.

Monday, October 20, 2008

3. Kiss The Morning Air

It was nice being the only one awake in the car. No noises, no being jostled around in the car when it hit bumps in the road. Nothing. It was so peaceful.


All of a sudden I heard someone moving. I quickly ducked down and pretended to be sleeping. Whoever it was, I didn't want them knowing I was staring at them all. I heard a car door open then close. I opened one eye to see which seat was empty. It was Jade's seat, and she was headed towards the diner. I waited 5 minutes, which seemed like forever, grabbed my purse, and went for a walk. I walked out of site, and then stretched my legs. I just thought it would appear awkward if I started stretching right there next to the car. I always felt awkward anyways. They all seemed pretty confident and had their set styles. Basically they knew who they were. Me on the other hand, I had no idea who I was. I mean sure I was Jamie Karlson, but I didn't know what I wanted to be or what I wanted to do. I wasn't good at anything, and I never fit in with anybody. Not even my own family. I wasn't even really a part of their ”family” anyways. I was adopted at birth. My parents never told me anything about my real family, they just told me at an early age that I was adopted. Every time I would ask about them, they would act like they didn't know anything. But finding myself did not include a search for my real parents. Obviously they didn't care enough about me to keep me, so why should I care about them? I just wanted to finally be happy and confident in myself and not feel like the ugly duckling all the time. I'll admit I never really tried that hard to not be the “ugly duckling.” Appearance wise anyways. I just threw on jeans, a tee-shirt, and maybe a sweater if it was cold. I never really did anything with my hair, and I never really wore any makeup. Maybe sometimes I'd wear a little mascara, but that was usually only for special occasions. I also never did much with my dirty blonde and slightly wavy hair. Usually it just went up in a ponytail or a bun. I felt like Mia in The Princess Diaries, always feeling invisible and dorky, but never really doing anything about it.


I was thinking so intensely that I didn't realize I was just standing on the sidewalk, staring at the cars that were going by. Basically I had zoned out everything that was going on and was frozen on the sidewalk with my thoughts. Thankfully I had snapped out of it just in time to see Jade walking towards me.


“Hey! What are you doing out here?” She asked


“Oh, I needed to walk around and get some fresh air.” I replied. “Are the others up yet?”


“I wouldn't know. After I went into the diner to use the bathroom, I decided to take a walk.” She laughed, “Guess I wasn't the only one who had that idea.”


“Yeah,” I laughed back.


“Well you know, 'Great minds think alike,'” She said.


That was a first, I'd never been called “great” before. I just laughed with her. We just stood there looking out at the street and all that was going on. I glanced over at Jade. She had obviously re-applied her makeup and had fixed her hair. Her green eyes really stood out against the black eyeliner. I wondered if that was why her parents named her Jade, because of the green eyes. I was pretty sure that almost all babies' eye color changes though, so her parents couldn't have named her based on that. Oh well, it's not like I needed to know the reasoning behind her name to be friends with her anyways. I did envy her though. Her clothes style totally matched her personality and she seemed to know what colors went with what and which eye-makeup would compliment it. I wondered if she would give me some pointers. I was too shy to ask though.


“I think I'll head back now and see if I can get a fresh set of clothes,” I said.


“Yeah, I need to change too,” she agreed.


“You think we'll go into the diner to eat breakfast or go somewhere else?” I asked


“I don't know.” she answered. “Payton might want to go to a McDonald's or something. You know, save some money.”


“Oh, ok.” I sighed, I kind wanted to go in there. Oh well.

We started heading back to the car. Taking our time and taking in the morning air.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

2. The Early Bird

I awoke with a start. I didn't remember falling asleep. It was morning and the car was parked in a far corner of a diner's parking lot. It was one of those 50s-style diners that are open 24/7.

How inconspicuous. I chuckled to myself.


Everyone else was still asleep in different awkward positions. I decided to take this opportunity and study the passengers. I'd only met them a few days ago on graduation day when I overheard them talking about leaving town. It seemed like a golden opportunity to me, so I asked to join them. They didn't ask me any questions and I was grateful for that, figuring they all had their own reasons for leaving, and probably didn't want to be asked either. Apparently it all got started when Payton, the older brother of one of my fellow seniors, Jade, decided to move to California. Then all of us decided to join in on it. My question is, why California? Everyone goes to California. When anyone wants to run away they immediately think of California! I'm wasn't complaining, I was just glad to get away. Anywhere was better than back home. But there I go again, getting side tracked. Back to my fellow passengers.

Payton Latrouse was our driver and he was a few years older than all of us. He had dark brown hair, almost black, with eyes that must change colors because yesterday they were blue and the day before they were a greenish gray. I wondered what color they would be that day. He was pretty tall and had an average build. He wasn't all macho man, but he was no Mr. Puny. I guessed he was a musician of sorts because when I got to his house, he was loading a guitar case in the trunk. Either that or he just used the guitar case as a suitcase, which I seriously doubted. He looked the musician part. Kinda skater/emo/punk rocker. He seemed pretty nice so far, not like I had talked to him more than a simple “Hi,” or anything. He was pretty cute, that I could tell.

Moving on to his sister, Jade Latrouse, sat in the passenger's seat next to him. She had the same hair color as her brother, but her eyes did not change colors. They've been the same shade of green ever since I've known her. Her hair went down to the middle of her back and was perfectly straight. She had a pretty face, the kind I envied. Not drop-dead gorgeous, but just the kind that usually makes a guy do a double take. She was a few inches shorter than me, and very petite. I knew for fact she was a musician because she was in Mr. Hayes piano class the year I was, and no one could hold a candle to her. She had a similar personality as her brother, but is slightly more “emo” than he was.

Directly behind her was Derek Edwards. He had short blonde hair, blue eyes and was extremely cute. The top of his hair was gelled up into a fauxhawk. He was the rebellious jock type and no one was going to get in the way when he wanted something. I wasn't even sure if he played for any of our school's sport teams, because I never went to any of the school's games. I mean, I liked playing sports, but not watching them. I hadn't even seen him before graduation day. We must not have had any classes together. He was a couple inches shorter than Payton, but made up for it with his incredibly muscular build.

The girl between me and Derek was Cameron Peterson. She wasn't from our school and I had only met her when I got to the Latrouses house. I had no idea if she'd even graduated high school, but didn't look any younger than any of us, with the exception of Payton. She had medium length chestnut brown hair and a very blonde personality, but it wasn't the stereotyped ditzy popular girl personality. She just occasionally made extremely blonde mistakes like yesterday when she said, “I had $100 in here and now I only have $91!” Of course she didn't realize she'd read a 10 dollar bill as a 1 dollar bill until I pointed that out. How she missed that was beyond me. She just laughed and flashed her dimpled smile. She had brown eyes that always sparkled and seemed to love everything she saw. She and I were almost the same height. She might be an inch or so taller though.

For someone who really didn't have many friends all her life, I had quickly made four new ones over the past few days. At least I hoped to be able to call them friends. Who knew what would happen when we all got to Cali. Would everyone split and go do their own thing? Would we all stay together? I had no idea. I wasn't going to let my heart get attached to them or anything, but I just wanted to pretend they were friends and have a good time till we got there.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

1. A New Beginning


I woke up to the honking of several cars as the vehicle I was in made a sudden right turn. The force of the turn made all of us in the car jerk to the side. I was wearing my seatbelt, but the passenger next to me was not, and thus ended up in my lap.


“Sorry,” she muttered as she sat back in her seat and fastened her seatbelt for the first time.

I didn't say anything. I was too tired. I just leaned against the door again and closed my eyes, barely noticing the cars and buildings that flew by. The lights from the surrounding cars and city were so bright that I couldn't sleep. I grabbed my sweater from my bag and laid it on my face, hoping it would block the light and help me sleep. A stab of guilt hit me as I realized no one in my house would be sleeping peacefully tonight. I pushed the thought aside and sat up. Obviously I wasn't going to fall asleep, so I decided to just look out the window. The lights looked brighter than before, the buildings more erect, and the people more alive. Everything seemed different somehow. Almost like I was seeing it all with new eyes. It's amazing how freedom can make a person feel. This is what I needed all along, I just never had the courage to do this until now...